


Moth to the Flame

by watermelonikaz



Category: Holostars, Virtual Streamer Animated Characters
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Character Study, Explicit Sexual Content, Feelings Realization, Hanakishi mention, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, M/M, Porn with Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 23:21:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29750553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watermelonikaz/pseuds/watermelonikaz
Summary: “Do you mind helping me with that part?” Temma asked, in the most casual tone he could muster. He didn’t bother to hide where he was staring now, his gaze dipping down to Astel’s lips and back up to the other man’s eyes.Astel raised an elegant eyebrow and for a moment Temma felt sheer panic that he’d actually offended Astel and that their friendship was going to end abruptly right here and right now.But then there was that infuriating and yet attractive little laugh again. “The fucking or the jerking off?”
Relationships: Astel Leda/Kishido Temma
Comments: 12
Kudos: 28





	Moth to the Flame

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Clover_Zero](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clover_Zero/gifts), [Taizjen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taizjen/gifts).



> For Aiko and Zauer. This is supposed to be the less dramatic one, but Astel keeps ruining things.

_Bee to the blossom,_

_moth to the flame;_

_Each to his passion;_

_what's in a name?_

_\- Helen Hunt Jackson, Vanity of Vanities_

There was something intimidating about Astel. Despite his short stature and his surprisingly pretty face -- Temma was sure Astel looked better than a lot of the women he’d met in his life (and applied make-up better too) -- there was a dangerous tint to the slant of his eyes and the curve of his lips.

Astel looked like he knew a secret that he could use to destroy whoever talked to him, and all he was doing was waiting for an opportunity to use it.

Even when Astel spoke, his tone shifted in ways that implied many different things despite the words being something else. He sounded like he was lying, teasing, and taunting most times, but he had the capacity for seriousness and introspection that sometimes slipped out when he was vulnerable.

It was fascinating. Despite Temma’s attempts at resisting, he found himself gravitating towards the mysterious allure Astel held. Like a moth drawn to a flame, he couldn’t help being curious even though he knew it was a bad idea.

He wouldn’t call it attraction, not in the way people usually applied the term. Temma just felt like he wanted to take Astel apart to understand him better. To see the man behind the curtain, to understand the sleight of hand that went into a magician’s trick. To see what part of Astel really was a lie and what part was real.

It was perfectly reasonable to want to understand a friend, wasn’t it?

* * *

When it came to actual relationships, Miyabi was more of Temma’s type. Slim, gentle, and demure at first glance, Miyabi ticked all the right boxes. He was attentive, kind, and always ready to help. He played along when Temma made mistakes, and when he teased, it was always with the undercurrent of care.

Miyabi was also very beautiful, but in a different way from Astel. There was no hidden challenge in Miyabi’s eyes everytime Temma talked to him. He was sweet and showed how much he cared easily enough, messaging Temma whenever he was free, if only to check-up on him.

Collaborations with Miyabi were easy, because they fell into a comfortable pace together, with each one playing well with the other somehow. Temma encouraged the pairing through off-hand remarks and close model placement when they happened to stream together. 

Miyabi was safe and comfortable. The type of person Temma would date and marry to settle down with in a properly domestic life. A flower -- with a few thorns, but that was never an issue -- that he could coexist with as a bee, with the both of them helping each other in a mutually beneficial existence.

In short, Temma had decided early on that he wanted Miyabi and no one else. That was what he was working towards as an end goal, even though he was taking it as slow as possible so as not to make a mistake.

And yet, why was it that whenever Miyabi gave Temma an opening to move their friendship to the next level, Temma didn’t take the opportunity?

* * *

“Why exactly did you come to me for advice?” Astel’s voice was teasing, and the little laugh of perverse delight he did afterwards made Temma momentarily forget how to breathe. Luckily, it seemed like Astel didn’t notice Temma’s sudden tensing. “Do I look like some sort of Doctor Love to you?”

“You’re more experienced with these things,” Temma replied, trying to distract himself from staring at Astel’s lips -- did he put on some sort of lipgloss or were they naturally that soft color? -- by looking at the terrible decor of the overpriced sweets shop they were in. It was Disney-themed this week, some sort of collaboration for a TV series Temma had no plans of watching.

The truth was, Temma didn’t expect he’d get this far. When he’d seen the ad online and sent it to Astel with a casual invite, he hadn’t expected Astel to actually say yes. The other man seemed infinitely busy with streaming and Temma’s invite had been sudden.

But Astel had said yes within seconds -- like he’d been waiting for the message, but no, Temma was just flattering himself with that thought -- and here they were.

When Astel had showed up to their outing -- Temma wasn’t going to call it a date, it wasn’t like that at all! -- he looked softer than usual. His hair was styled in gentle waves, his make-up was subdued, and his outfit looked comfy.

Temma had instantly wanted to take Astel into his arms and just hold him to feel if he was as soft and warm as he looked. Astel had met his eyes with a small quirk of his lips -- there was a mischievous look in his eyes that made Temma think Astel _knew_ the direction Temma’s thoughts had gone in, but that was impossible -- and had stepped close to complete the action himself.

It had quite possibly been the worst and the best three seconds of Temma’s life -- Astel was warm and soft and _smelled good_ \-- but neither of them talked about it or acted like anything had happened afterwards.

“Me, experienced? Now whatever gave you that impression?” Astel laughed again, shaking his head. He took his fork and reached over the table to take a piece off Temma’s cake. “Let me taste this.”

 _His appearance is throwing me off because it’s different_ , Temma told himself. _That’s all this is. I like Miyabi, not Astel._

“Well, you did talk about it on stream before--”

“You watch my streams?” Astel asked, and there was something in his tone that seemed like a challenge.

“Of course I do,” Temma said, even if both of them knew he didn’t. Not as much as Astel watched Temma’s own streams, at least.

Astel made an agreeable sound anyway before he began eating the piece he’d taken from Temma’s cake.

There was a small bit of icing at the side of Astel’s lips and Temma decided the world was out to get him today. He stared helplessly, unable to look away again.

_Damn it all, why did Astel have to suddenly look this attractive?!_

The last time Temma had met Astel in person, Roberu had been there too, and Astel’s entire ensemble had been killer. Like some sort of fashion model, all dolled up to the nines. He was impossible to look away from but at the same time he looked untouchable and untameable. 

Astel drew interested looks from strangers both male and female, and at that time, he seemed to thrive on the attention. He played it up for the adoring public -- always a showman -- and flirted with randoms every now and then. Temma had found it a bit annoying at first, but Astel said it was easier to flirt when he didn’t give a flying fuck about the person -- _“We’ll never see any of these people again. Just enjoy it, Temchan”_ \-- and Temma let it go. He hadn’t bothered to examine why he’d felt so affected by Astel’s actions at that time, and he didn’t want to start realizing things now.

 _I like Miyabi. I like Miyabi_ , Temma told himself desperately, not even reacting when Astel took even more of his cake. That little bit of icing was distracting him. He wanted to slam his head against the table to get it out of his mind.

“Hmm. Honestly speaking? I don’t think you need advice if it’s Miyabi,” Astel said, licking at his lips in satisfaction and still somehow missing that stupid bit of icing that was presently killing Temma in so many different ways. “He’s obviously into you too, so just kiss him or something. Give him the go signal and go nuts.”

Astel’s eyes flicked up from the cake and met Temma’s own. An impish grin was on his lips. “Just fuck already or jerk off. Get it out of your system before you explode.”

_Did Astel fucking know what he was doing right now?!_

Temma didn’t answer. Instead, he lifted a hand and used his thumb to brush the icing away from the side of Astel’s mouth. Temma kept their gazes locked as he brought his thumb to his own mouth and licked the icing off.

Astel’s eyes narrowed slightly -- if Temma wasn’t meeting the other man’s gaze directly, he wouldn’t have noticed at all -- but the grin stayed firmly on his face.

“Astel,” Temma said finally, trying to keep his voice steady despite the sudden nervousness at the pit of his stomach. There was something exciting about this. It was dangerous, like playing with fire.

But if it was Astel, and if Astel was _like this_ , Temma found that he didn’t really mind getting burned.

“Yes, Temchan?” Astel asked sweetly in return, propping his chin up on the hand that wasn’t holding his fork. The grin was still on his lips, and his tone made it obvious he was teasing.

Somehow, it was easier now that Temma realized Astel was playing along. And even if he was wrong about where he thought this conversation was going, he knew Astel wouldn’t hold it against him. It was a different kind of comfortable dynamic, not like the one he had with Miyabi. Astel was someone who wouldn’t back down from things like this without a fight. If Temma wanted to pry Astel apart to understand him, there would be a struggle.

Temma was surprised by how much he was looking forward to it.

“Do you mind helping me with that part?” Temma asked, in the most casual tone he could muster. He didn’t bother to hide where he was staring now, his gaze dipping down to Astel’s lips and back up to the other man’s eyes.

Astel raised an elegant eyebrow and for a moment Temma felt sheer panic that he’d actually offended Astel and that their friendship was going to end abruptly right here and right now.

But then there was that infuriating and yet attractive little laugh again. “The fucking or the jerking off?”

“Either is fine,” Temma whispered in a low tone, losing his voice for a moment because the way Astel had said it-- the words had gone straight to Temma’s groin.

Astel looked contemplative for a moment, the silence between them growing increasingly uncomfortable by the second. Something changed in his eyes, and he suddenly looked determined. “Why not both?”

* * *

“You really have a type, huh?” Astel said casually as they entered the love hotel room. He’d taken care of all the arrangements with the staff, and Temma wasn’t surprised to find that Astel had picked what looked like an _expensive_ room. Despite his gentle appearance today, Astel was still Astel at the core.

“What do you mean?” Temma asked, following Astel as the other man made his way to the gift basket situated in the center of the room, atop a table already cluttered with various remotes and what looked like porn magazines.

“You’re attracted to people who look weaker than you,” Astel replied. He opened the basket and began pulling out various types of lubricant and contraception, examining each critically and seemingly separating the items into two piles. Probably one that he was fine using and another he wanted to ignore.

Temma felt a little bit of jealousy stir in his gut and tried to push it away. He knew Astel was experienced so he shouldn’t be feeling this way. But _still_. He wanted, all of a sudden, to take Astel into his arms and mark the other man as _his_.

“You’re not weaker than me,” Temma said belatedly when Astel looked up and raised an eyebrow at him -- a reminder that they were having a conversation. Astel wasn’t privy to the direction of Temma’s thoughts. Hell, Astel probably thought this whole thing was Temma asking for a casual fuck--

Wait. When did Temma stop thinking of this as something casual? What were they about to do? And _why_ had Astel agreed to it? A source of amusement, maybe? A favor that’d be cashed in later on? _Did Astel do this with anyone who asked?_

“No, I’m not,” Astel acknowledged with a pleased smirk. Temma was currently undergoing a crisis and couldn’t decide if he wanted to kiss the expression off Astel’s face or just shake him in frustration.

“Yes, so--”

“I did it on purpose,” Astel interrupted, ripping open the condom box in his hands and pocketing one of the foil packets before he threw the box down onto one of the piles. He picked up a tube of lubricant, slid that into his pocket as well, and then gestured to his outfit and his face. “This? This isn’t my style and you know it. I did it for you. So you wouldn’t feel as awkward around me as you did last time. I suppose you liked it a little bit too much though.”

Temma’s mind was suddenly having a little bit of difficulty keeping up with what Astel was saying. On one hand, he thought he understood, but on the other, he didn’t want to assume Astel’s feelings out of nowhere. Temma wasn’t _that_ confident in his own appeal.

“Anyway,” Astel said -- like he hadn’t so casually thrown Temma’s mind into disarray _again_ \-- as he walked over to where Temma was standing and stopped about a hand’s length away. There was a smile on his lips but the joy didn’t touch his eyes. “A few ground rules before we start. One, you either use my name or nothing at all. I don’t want to hear you say _Miyabi_ but feel free to think about him if that’s what gets you off.”

It was like a bucket of cold water had been thrown onto Temma with the words. Wait. What did Astel think this whole thing was to Temma? And that look in his eyes-- was he actually _hurt_ over it?

 _He thinks it’s plain sexual relief. It’s what you asked for,_ Temma’s thoughts answered immediately. He didn’t know what to feel about it. It was right -- had been right -- in a way, but at the same time-- “Astel--”

“Two,” Astel continued firmly. “If I do something you don’t like, let me know. We can stop anytime.”

“Considerate,” Temma found himself saying, a bit surprised that Astel had stated it so clearly. Temma wasn’t exactly pure himself, but he’d never had a partner as straightforward as Astel.

Astel’s grin looked genuine now, like being praised had chased away whatever dark thing was clouding his eyes before.

“Thanks,” Astel said. “And lastly, just so you know, I don’t bottom. So if we’re going all the way, you’re going to have to take it up the ass, ‘kay, Temchan?”

* * *

Astel watched the emotions flicker through Temma’s face -- surprise, fear, contemplation -- and he waited. He fully expected Temma to back out or say something along the lines of ‘we won’t go that far’ but it seemed as if he’d misjudged his cute genmate.

Temma’s answer was obviously nervous, but it was an affirmative just the same. He nodded jerkily and whispered out the word. “O-okay.”

 _The hell_ , Astel thought. _He must really like this get-up. Or he’s just that sexually frustrated._

Astel never considered the possibility that Temma might feel something for him. He’d long ago accepted that he’d lost that battle before it had even begun. All his attempts at flirtation -- granted, he may have come on too strong with the multiple ‘ _I love you_ ’s -- had been written off as just him being a goddamned fucking comedian so he’d given up.

Besides, Temma wanted Miyabi. And while Astel sometimes slipped up and revealed how he truly felt about that arrangement -- _Miyabi is the worst_ typed out in chat, thankfully taken by everyone as a joke as per usual -- most of the time he was able to push his feelings aside to try and be happy for his friends.

Not that he’d succeeded much in that department. He couldn’t be _happy_ about it no matter how hard he tried -- and trying too much just made him incredibly bitter -- but at least no one took his attempts to sabotage the relationship between everyone’s beloved HanaKishi seriously. 

“Astel...”

Temma was going to say something stupid again -- he had that dumb awkward smile on his face -- but Astel really wasn’t interested in talking anymore. The more time he gave Temma to really think about this, the more chances for Temma to call it off.

If this was all Astel was going to get from Temma, by god was he going to make the most of it. He was going to give Temma a fucking show. The best fucking sex of his life. Astel may not be satisfied with his mastery of the various games he played on stream, but when it came to things like this, he knew he was _very good_.

Though _how_ he got good was not something he would ever speak of again.

“Okay, let’s start!” Astel announced, clapping his hands together and making Temma jump a little at the sound. 

Astel couldn’t help the smirk that formed on his lips at the sight of a nervous Temma. He stepped even closer, and all while looking up into Temma’s eyes, used his right hand to deftly unbuckle the blond’s belt and unzip his pants.

“How do you like it, by the way?” Astel murmured, dropping his voice to a lower tone as he slid his right hand into Temma’s underwear, the waistband digging lightly into his lower arm as he wrapped his hand around the already half-hard cock. “Underside? Tip? Twist? Peri--”

Temma let out a hiss, hips bucking ever so slightly towards Astel. There was a tightness to his muscles as he seemed to be clenching his fists tightly at his sides, a light sheen of sweat forming on his forehead. “Astel, wait.”

“Yes?” Astel prompted, punctuating the sentence with a skillful tug at the other man’s cock. He was trying to map out Temma’s reactions already, not trusting the blond to tell him what really did feel good.

Temma cursed, his expression torn between what was obviously growing lust and whatever was holding him back. Astel would’ve pushed further, but he did promise he’d stop if Temma got uncomfortable so he stilled his hand and waited.

Were they ending already? He really hoped not.

“Can… can we kiss first?” Temma asked shyly, seemingly having difficulty with the words.

 _Why?_ Astel wanted to ask. _Kissing me means nothing to you but the memory of your lips on mine will haunt me forever when we’re done._

Sex was easy. Kissing felt a bit more private. He couldn’t fake enthusiasm in a kiss, it was just too difficult to do while intimately exchanging saliva and breathing each other’s air. Astel’s walls -- his defenses that he had tried so hard to build around his already worn-out heart -- would probably not withstand a lot of kissing from someone he had feelings for but could never have.

If Astel had any self-preservation left in him, he’d have said no. But since it was Temma asking in such a cute way, Astel decided he wasn’t going to save himself. Not today, at least. He’d deal with the consequences some other time.

“Sure,” Astel said, and even before he could add something more to the statement, like maybe a ‘but--’, Temma reached out with both hands, cupped Astel’s cheeks, and bent down to sear their mouths together with a deep groan of want.

Like he’d just been holding back his lust out of courtesy for Astel.

_Yeah, right._

Astel kissed back, matching Temma’s vigor with his own, and telling the small part of him that felt like crying to _shut the fuck up_ and let him dig his own grave as always.

* * *

Kissing Astel was unlike anything Temma had experienced before. Then again, that was probably because Temma was used to taking the lead in his previous relationships, his partners responding almost demurely to his advances as if there was some sort of handbook that stated they weren’t supposed to show they _wanted_ it.

Astel wasn’t like that. There was a fierceness to the way he kissed back, his tongue aggressively tracing the back of Temma’s teeth, the sides of his mouth, and running along Temma’s tongue. He had no qualms when it came to biting to get Temma to give way, and eventually Temma let Astel lead, and it felt pleasurable despite its unfamiliarity.

Astel definitely knew what he was doing -- something that Temma was both thankful for and absolutely hated because it meant Astel had done this with who knows how many people before -- and Temma found himself swept up into the other man’s pace.

“Bed,” Astel said when the kiss broke next, the word panted against Temma’s lips. The small smile on his face looked unbearably sexy. His lips were redder now than they were earlier, and Temma wanted to continue kissing him until they bruised. “Congrats, by the way, you’re definitely hard now.”

A pointed squeeze around his cock reminded Temma where Astel’s hand had been this whole time. He flushed in embarrassment even as Astel let go and turned around to walk towards the large queen bed at the side of the room. It had red sheets -- how ridiculously flashy -- and mirrors on the ceiling above it and the walls surrounding it.

_Who the hell picked this room? Oh right, Astel._

Temma wanted to say something about how embarrassing it’d be to have to actually watch himself get fucked -- though he was a little bit excited for it, truth be told -- but he was distracted by Astel beginning to peel off his clothes, one layer at a time.

“Strip and join me,” Astel called out, not turning to look at Temma as he dropped his pants to the carpeted floor and pulled off his shirt, leaving only his underwear on. He bent to retrieve the items from his pants pocket before straightening again and tossing them onto the bed.

Temma moved forward, not quite registering Astel’s words, just driven by the need to actually touch the smooth looking skin that had been revealed to him. He held Astel’s waist from behind, realizing all at once how slim the other man felt in his hands, and how agonizingly _soft_ his skin was.

Astel tensed for a brief second and then relaxed, leaning back into the embrace and letting Temma complete the hug from behind, palms tracing down the smooth abdomen and up Astel’s chest. Every single inch of skin felt smooth to the touch. It was driving Temma crazy already.

“I take care of myself,” Astel offered as an explanation to the unvoiced question. He probably felt Temma’s curiosity with how much Temma was feeling him up.

“Except when you don’t,” Temma replied, bending his head so he could bury it in Astel’s hair and breathe in deeply as he tightened the embrace. He knew of the times Astel skipped meals and lost out on sleep. It was hard to miss.

“Except when I don’t, yes,” Astel acknowledged with a little laugh, like it didn’t matter. 

_I want to take care of you_ , Temma thought but didn’t say. He didn’t think he could back up his own words. Not right now when he still hadn’t properly parsed what he felt towards Astel.

At the very least, there was lust there. Temma wanted Astel completely, even if the only way he was going to get that was by spreading his own legs and letting Astel take him.

Astel moved out of Temma’s embrace and crawled onto the bed to sit cross-legged in the middle of the red sheets. He looked confident -- sexy -- as he grinned. “Now, Temchan, are you going to strip or do you need help with that?”

* * *

If Temma thought Astel was a bad lover, he wasn’t being very convincing about it. Hence, Astel decided to go with the thought that he was doing well enough. After Temma had eagerly disposed of all his clothes -- even his underwear, though Astel hadn’t expected him to go that far that fast -- Astel had invited the blond to lie down and he’d immediately gone to work.

Since Temma seemed like the emotional type who liked kissing, Astel obliged him and kissed him senseless, alternating between gentle and hard kisses until Temma’s lips were red beneath his, body shuddering as he moaned Astel’s name.

_At least he’s not saying Miyabi. Not yet anyway._

Astel ignored the warning bells going off in his own mind and lost himself to his own emotions. He peppered Temma’s face with kisses, moving down to the other man’s neck and kissing there gently as he played with Temma’s hardened nipples.

If nothing else, he was a generous lover. Despite his abrasive behavior on the outside, he truly was the type of person who gave everything to make his chosen partner happy.

“Temma,” he said now, whispering the name against the skin of Temma’s chest as he kissed his way down. He reached in between their bodies to trail a feathery line down Temma’s cock with his fingers, before he bypassed the length entirely and gently closed his hand around the scrotum, massaging there and trying to figure out what it was that would properly push Temma over the edge. “How does it feel?”

“...G-good,” Temma whispered, his hips automatically bucking up. “A-astel, touch--”

“Shh,” Astel murmured, silencing the request he knew was coming with a kiss. He moved his hand back up to the shaft, palming it before tightening his grip and beginning to pump his hand up and down. It took a bit of experimentation to find the kind of touch Temma preferred the most -- as Astel had suspected, Temma was terrible at voicing things directly so he had to watch the blond’s face closely instead -- and it seemed to involve a little bit of pain, with fingernails pressing lightly against the sensitive flesh as Astel moved his hand.

He withdrew his touch the moment he saw Temma’s brow furrow, the blond’s eyes closing and his mouth falling open as he seemed near to release.

“Astel!” Temma complained, blue eyes dark with lust opening to pin Astel with a look. It was breathtaking despite the frustration on it, and Astel tried to burn the expression into his mind, just as he was trying to commit everything they were doing to memory since he was aware it wasn’t going to happen again.

“Sorry. It’ll feel better in a bit,” Astel said, grinning despite himself. This was fun, if he tried not to think about anything that would come after. He put a little bit of authority in his tone, his hands now on Temma’s thighs and squeezing there. “Please spread your legs.”

Surprisingly, Temma obeyed. He jerked slightly when Astel moved his hands down to cup Temma’s butt and Astel once again adjusted, ignoring his own already painful erection straining against his underwear as he tried to make sure Temma was comfortable.

“Relax,” Astel soothed, letting Temma pull him back up into a needy kiss. When he was released to return to his ministrations, he bent to press a kiss to Temma’s stomach, feeling Temma’s hands grasp at his hair like it was the only thing keeping him anchored to reality.

He slid a thumb along Temma’s perineum repeatedly but slowly, purposely teasing as pressed fleeting kisses to every inch of skin within his reach. Temma’s hips jerked, thrusting upwards in what was probably a desperate attempt to get some relief. He was moaning loudly, incoherent whispers of what was a mix of Astel’s name, pleading, and curses spilling from his lips.

Astel pulled away slightly to reach for the lubricant -- slathering a generous amount onto his right hand -- and then returned to distract Temma with a hard kiss even as he pushed a finger into Temma slowly.

“Fuck,” Temma hissed when the kiss broke. His eyes on Astel seemed slightly unfocused now. “It’s cold.”

“Only at first,” Astel assured him. “This one warms on contact and heats up the longer it is--”

“Astel,” Temma groaned, his hips moving up to bump his erection against Astel’s leg. He looked positively desperate, his hands reaching out to squeeze at Astel through his underwear. He pulled the material down and gave Astel’s cock a harsh tug towards him. “I don’t care, put it in. I’m so close. Please.”

Astel let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in and then immediately it segued into a small laugh he couldn’t hold back. He’d never seen this side of Temma before.

“Be patient. I don’t want to hurt you,” Astel murmured, pushing a second finger in to join the first, and beginning to work on properly stretching Temma. “Does it feel okay?”

Before Temma could reply, Astel crooked his fingers just so in an attempt to properly stimulate the prostate. Temma’s head hit the pillows as he seemed to do a full body arch with that move, an unintelligible groan spilling past his lips.

“That must be a yes.”

But damn, watching Temma unravel beneath him turned into a certain type of torture for Astel. It'd been a long time since he'd done anything with a partner -- much less someone he maybe had strong feelings for -- and he was already itching to get on with it.

Astel withdrew his fingers, causing Temma to moan and shudder. He kicked off his underwear completely, blindly groped for the condom packet, and managed a wink as Temma’s eyes opened to half-slits of lust, watching him as he tore open the packet and rolled on the condom.

“Temma, love, flip over and raise your ass. Missionary is a bad idea for your first time,” Astel said softly. He almost thought Temma didn’t hear him, but there was a groan of complaint before the blond did as asked.

“Astel,” Temma whispered as Astel slid into position behind him and bent down to press a series of butterfly kisses to Temma’s spine. “You called me love.”

“Did I? I don’t think so,” Astel said, ignoring the way his heart was racing in his chest. He couldn’t afford to slip up now, but of course this was precisely the time he would make a mistake because he was so focused on trying to make it good for Temma.

Temma was reaching out a hand in his direction so he took it, squeezing tightly as he angled himself with his other hand and began to push inside slowly. Temma whined and in response, Astel moved even slower, taking quite a long time before he could sheathe himself fully. It was an exercise in patience. He wasn’t even sure how he’d managed it in the end.

Temma seemed determined to kill him today, one way or the other.

"Y-you... A-Astel... move," Temma moaned, his grip on Astel’s hand painful in its tightness. 

Astel complied without further comment. He had enough experience to aim his thrusts to hit the prostate as much as possible, and such a thing seemed to be having quite an effect on his partner. Temma was practically falling apart now, if the sounds he was making was any indication. Astel reached down and around to finally grasp Temma's cock with his free hand, causing the blond to let slip such a wanton sound, thrusting into his hand desperately.

It was over quickly from there. Just a few skillful tugs and rocking and Temma was coming with a practically incoherent and garbled version of Astel’s name, Astel thereby giving himself permission to come as well. He buried himself deep, his own breathing harsh and uneven before he finally came with a low groan, pressing his face into Temma’s back.

Both men were slightly shaking afterwards from the sheer intensity of the experience, and Astel removed the condom, tying up the ends tightly and tossing it into the trash bin the hotel had knowingly placed right beside the bed. He sat at the edge of the bed, watching as Temma rolled onto his back, blue eyes focused on Astel with an intensity that wasn’t there before.

It almost looked like -- but no, that was impossible. Temma didn’t feel that way towards Astel at all.

Astel met Temma’s gaze and forced a smile onto his lips. Now that everything was done, he felt a mix of gratefulness for the opportunity and both the pain and joy he always seemed to get from his interactions with Temma. 

“Well?” Astel asked, a little bit proud of himself that his voice didn’t break and he didn’t sound as terribly drained and broken as he felt. Apparently, his talent for lying had held. “How was it?”

“I… didn’t get to see your face,” Temma said, sounding a little bit sad. The tone pulled at Astel’s heartstrings but he tried to ignore it. He didn’t have it in him to lie at that moment. The whole experience felt like it had exposed him in a way he hadn’t intended. He’d gotten too carried away. He needed time to put up his walls again.

“Oh,” Astel said. He wanted to tease, to say something like ‘maybe next time we can try a different position’ but he didn’t. He wasn’t strong enough for that yet. Maybe he’d never be strong enough after this.

Because now he knew exactly what he was never going to have again and it _hurt_ like a fucking bitch.

“Other than that, and the fact that I feel a little bit sore, everything was perfect,” Temma continued. He smiled at Astel, and Astel felt himself shattering.

“Great,” Astel said. This time his voice did break. He looked away, blinking rapidly to try and fight the onset of tears he could already feel was coming. He should suggest a shower or something so he could get away gracefully. “So, anyway, we should--”

“Astel,” Temma said, and there was something firm in his voice that made Astel look back to meet his gaze. “Next time, I want to see your face, okay?”

Astel couldn’t properly process the words. What did they mean? Probably not what he thought they meant. “Next time?”

“Yes, love,” Temma said, pushing himself to a sitting position and moving closer to wrap his arms around Astel. His lips landed on Astel’s neck and he sucked at the flesh there, obviously making a mark. “Next time, I want to see your face. From now on, I want to be the only one who sees the expression you make when you’re at your peak.”

Astel closed his eyes and exhaled loudly. He didn’t want to believe in what was happening, but Temma wasn’t exactly giving him a choice here. He waited until Temma was done with whatever possessive thing he seemed to be intent on doing -- if Temma was going to be like this, _next time_ , Astel was marking him too -- and then turned his head so he could press their lips together in a gentle kiss.

“Alright.”


End file.
